We naturally tend to center ourselves, at times erroneously:
Someone ignores you. You assume they are being rude. But it’s not about you: They are preoccupied with their parent’s risky surgery that day.
A friend is late to meet you. You feel disrespected they don’t value your time. But it’s not about you: They got caught in a traffic jam.
A friend begins to confide in you a troubling family matter. You jump in and share a similar experience of yours. But it’s not about you: They were seeking a compassionate listening ear.
It’s not about you is a call to allow space for others. They have their own challenges and triggers that color how they act in the world—as valid for them as yours are for you.
Consider:
- Before you respond, notice the assumptions you’re making and the “story” you could be creating.
- Take a moment to see how it might not be about you.
- Many times, simply listening is a powerful expression of empathy.
“We are in great need of people being able to stand in somebody else’s shoes and see the world through their eyes” —Barack Obama
