Tips from the HCC
The Healthy Congregation Committee (HCC) has everyday tips to make life better.
Tip of the Month: How and when to apologize
We are human and so we don’t always get things right. Apologizing thoughtfully for our mistakes can mend fences, and it can foster right relationships by strengthening trust. Here are tips on how and when to apologize, with examples.
It’s Not About You
We naturally tend to center ourselves, at times erroneously:
Someone ignores you. You assume they are being rude. But it’s not about you: They are preoccupied with their parent’s risky surgery that day.
A friend is late to meet you. You feel disrespected they don’t value your time. But it’s not about you: They got caught in a traffic jam.
A friend begins to confide in you a troubling family matter. You jump in and share a similar experience of yours. But it’s not about you: They were seeking a compassionate listening ear.
Roller Coaster Holidays
Tips for Right Relationships will be simple and practical. Try them out! We welcome your feedback about using these tips and your suggestions for new tip ideas. ()
Susan Green, Prue Cuper, Stephen Edgerton – Healthy Congregation Committee
TIP: Roller Coaster Holidays
Winter and the holiday season approach, and, with them, a whole host of feelings. In some moments, winter may feel peaceful, quiet, comforting. In others, exciting and joyful, a time to celebrate.
Coffee Talk
TIP: COFFEE TALK
Conversations at coffee hour can foster community and deepen connections, but they are not always easy, as we found in the ERUUF Pulse Survey results. Here are ideas to try:
Tending Connections
Maintaining personal relationships is essential for our well-being. That’s tough in times like these when we are preoccupied with challenges that consume our focus and energy. Here are some strategies for nourishing personal connections:
- Remember good moments.
Those we love and/or live with have habits that may annoy us, which can be even more grating in difficult times. When you feel that little annoyance, intentionally recall a kind gesture or comment that person made to shift your energy.
Notice your Lizard Brain
When someone is angry at us, when someone disagrees strongly with us, or when someone doesn’t value what we hold dear, we are naturally triggered. Our “lizard brain” (amygdala), which responds to a perceived threat, takes over. It’s lightning fast and therefore below the level of consciousness. This reaction worked well for early humans on the African savannah but is not helpful in a committee meeting or at coffee hour.
Acknowledge Others
Taking the time to say something that acknowledges another’s efforts, skills, or contributions makes them feel valued and appreciated. Within your family and groups such efforts strengthen bonds and affirm each person's importance. Think how it warms your heart when such comments come your way! Here are ideas to try out:
Use a Curiosity Lens
Next time you find yourself feeling uncomfortable with another person during a meeting or conversation, try applying a Curiosity Lens:
1. Take a breath. Observe what you’re feeling physically.
2. Take a moment to notice and then suspend the judgments and assumptions you hear in your mind.
3. Replace them with the intention to learn something new.
